Poems are like dark clouds,
I am the moon behind them.
Do not read me from the clouds.
Watch what is behind the clouds: the shining moon ~ Rumi
I have been told that my name has three meanings (a Persian derivative) dependent on pronunciation: “sunlight”, “love”, or “light of the moon”. I feel your words are a perfect description of me. I started writing poetry at age 8, and after my ‘Dear Diary’ was found and read. I burned it. Then I wrote poems. Only I knew I was behind the clouds – a very shy little moon beam of a girl who could only express through the written word. A little girl whose parents were told by an elementary school teacher: “she’s too shy, too quiet, you better get her out of it, she’ll have problems in life”.
I’m grateful my parents never listened. Then, as a young woman, a relative said: “she must be dumb because she is so quiet”.
“There is no one worth talking to”, I said.
I definitely found my voice: toast masters, radio dj, putting my hand up first in a class, activism, public speaking. But, I still struggle to verbalize my most intimate thoughts and sometimes I cry through those moments of sharing. I can’t help it. It’s the way I express. But, we live in a society that looks at crying or vulnerability as weak (for both men and women).
I see tears as finding one’s strength and courage, as someone who is strongly connected to their emotional being. My most beautiful journey has been this quiet girl finding her voice through her poetry. Now, my poetry is my life and it requires no explanation. Funny though, I am focused on meditation to still the external and internal chatter in my mind so I can write freely as I did when I was a little girl…. There is a power in quiet.
Meharoona (your light of the moon)